


Bow Down To The Mudcrab Lifting King!

by kavonovak



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Gen, Humor, apparently stealing live mudcrabs from a fishery is tricky business, shitpost fic, some sexual humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 03:56:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10959135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kavonovak/pseuds/kavonovak
Summary: Maltor shows the Thieves Guild some interesting things he swiped.





	Bow Down To The Mudcrab Lifting King!

There was no denying that since Maltor had taken over as leader, the Thieves Guild has been prospering. Still, things were usually quiet inside the guild, as it had been when Mercer was still around.

And then there was a certain meeting.

"Everybody, I want you all to go down to the Ragged Flagon." Maltor called out as he was climbing down the ladder. His tone was serious. "And tell everyone in the Flagon that I'm calling a meeting." And with that, the cistern was cleared. Most of them noted that it looked as though Maltor was trying to hide something.

As they were exiting the cistern, Brynjolf turned to his leader. "Maltor, what's this meeting about?"

"You'll see." The bosmer replied, trying his best not to grin.

When Maltor stepped into the Flagon, everyone was waiting there, as he had hoped. He tilted his head to the ceiling and breathed deeply, still suppressing the ugre to grin. "Everybody..." He said in the most sombre tone he could do. He then reached with both hands into a good-sized bag he kept under the cape of his Nightingale uniform.

"BOW DOWN TO THE MUDCRAB LIFTING KING!" Maltor laughed, holding up two mudcrabs for the guild to see. Two _live_ mudcrabs.

Everyone had varied reactions to the sight of the two mudcrabs. They were, however, speechless, save for the muffled laughing from the more humored members of the guild. Maltor soon put the mudcrabs on the bar, allowing them to scurry around. Luckily for Vekel, their pincers were bound shut with some sort of dyed ropes.

"Before anyone asks, I don't know the total of everything I got." Maltor continued, rummaging through his pockets for something. "Maybe over 475 gold with the five necklaces?" Maltor shrugged as he put the five aforementioned necklaces on the table. Everyone studied them as Maltor was AGAIN reaching into his pockets. Judging by the gems on some of the necklaces, the possible value of everything could be much, _much_ higher than what he had predicted.

Maltor then pulled out a medium-sized green bottle. "I also lifted this love elixir from an alchemist. The label on the bottle said it won't work if it's stolen. I doubt that. Perhaps I should test it out later." He said, winking at Brynjolf. Brynjolf, in return, looked away and blushed. He couldn't help but smirk, though.

Maltor put his hands on his hips, red eyes full of pride. "Any last words? Feel free to give praise."

"What the, you stole live mudcrabs from somewhere?!?!" Delvin sounded like he was in disbelief. 

"Lad, I can understand the necklaces and the... elixir." Brynjolf piped in. "But mudcrabs? Two LIVE mudcrabs, no less. That's a bit hard to comprehend." The nord felt that if he even tried to comprehend the situation, Nocturnal herself would block his vision.

"Let's just say robbing a fishery is easy if you know what you're doing." Maltor replied, flipping his brown hair back.

"I don't know, but 'Bow down to the mudcrab lifting king' is a strong contender for the best introduction to a guild meeting." Vex snickered. The rest of the guild laughed in agreement.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the post this was based on:  
> http://kavonnovak.tumblr.com/post/157549841666/sexhaver-dreime-radioheadofficial


End file.
